I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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