I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
