yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize