Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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