So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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