we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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