Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
