i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
