When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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