The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
