mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
