I got chris browned last night
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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