i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
