you have to choose: penises or morals?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
