I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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