I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
is this the sara with the beer cane?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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