he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
