Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
thus making me awesome and them whores
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
