You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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