remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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