Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
