its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
