I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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