YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
