Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
