Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Text me some of your sweat
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
