She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She bit a glass in half.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
