you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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