My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
