I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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