Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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