Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
