I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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