i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
