I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
