I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
