awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
