And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i love accidental penises.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
