at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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