He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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