I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
