she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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