someone owes me an orgasm
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
