so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
