Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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