Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
tell me about the fingering
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