he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
