eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
