We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
