so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
