Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
