I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
