i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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