I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
how does that bad decision feel?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
