i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish i was in the wii world.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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