so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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