So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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