Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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