I'm jealous of your bromance
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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