i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
