guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize