I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
