no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
