so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Vodka?
Forever.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
