he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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