Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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