you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
