Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
worst night to have a conscience
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
