she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
