she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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