This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
