I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
